The Battle of MOMS
I finished my work early yesterday and decided to turn Dr. Phil on. I know many people don't like this guy. But ever since he started on Oprah, I have thought he was one of the better tv psychologists. My background is in social work so I do have some insight into psychology, counseling and behavior. One of my gripes with talk show psychologists is that they never explained behavior or solutions in ways people could actually translate into action. What is "better communication" etc. Dr. Phil on the other hand is able to take psycho-babble and translate it so people can actually make change.
However, yesterday, I had to turn it off. Yesterday was a show about stay-at-home vs working moms. While I think its good to discuss the various issues of stay and work at home moms so people can make the choice that is best for them, I don't think it should be presented as one being better than the other. And while Dr. Phil may not have intended that, that's what seemed to be happening.
He had this militant stay at home mom who basically thought working moms should be ashamed of leaving their children. After the few moments I watched, I really worried about that woman's children. She basically said as a mother, all is sacrificed for the children. I totally disagree and I wonder what the heck will happen to her when her kids don't want to be around her and eventually leave home. I think we do our kids a disservice when we sacrifice ourselves for them. I think its important to see that we have other hobbies and interests. There was a Cosby show once where Clair (the mother) told Theo, "My name isn't Theo's mom." Of course, as a mom, it seems like that much of the time. And with all that's involved in keeping a family going, it's easy to get lost. But I think its important for kids to see other sides of their parents such as their hobbies and interests.
Try this, ask your kids if they know your favorite food or hobby. My kids (7 and 10) will tell you I like chocolate and Starbucks coffee, I like to read JD Robb, and work. They know I'm on a low carb diet and sometime tease me with goodies. I feel it helps kids see parents as people not just parents when they can recognize our personal differences.
I also agree with the working mother who said its not just being home all the time but the quality of time with kids. I think it probably harder for working parents who are gone all day dealing with work stuff and are tired when they get home. But kids aren't dumb. And they appreciate time with their parents even if its a little bit. I don't think any parent should spend 24/7 with their kids. If the parent didn't go nuts, certainly the kids would.
Finally, for me, staying and working at home is not just about being there for the kids. Its also what I prefer. I don't like the hassle that goes with working outside the home. I prefer to set my schedule and work under my own rules. The truth is, with my kids in school now, I could go to work and still be available to them when they got home. But I'd rather work at home. No boss. No asking for time off when the kids are sick or we want to take a trip. No working under someone else's rules. I love that.
I believe the issue of working or staying home is a personal one. I do feel kids need nurturing and structure and quality time with parents. But I don't think one is better than the other. And I think that a happy mom goes a long way to keeping a family happy. So if mom needs the challenge and contribution of work to feel more complete, I'm all for it. If she finds fulfillment staying with the kids and keeping house, that's great too. And I think all moms should support each other and individual choices on the issue.
Leslie
However, yesterday, I had to turn it off. Yesterday was a show about stay-at-home vs working moms. While I think its good to discuss the various issues of stay and work at home moms so people can make the choice that is best for them, I don't think it should be presented as one being better than the other. And while Dr. Phil may not have intended that, that's what seemed to be happening.
He had this militant stay at home mom who basically thought working moms should be ashamed of leaving their children. After the few moments I watched, I really worried about that woman's children. She basically said as a mother, all is sacrificed for the children. I totally disagree and I wonder what the heck will happen to her when her kids don't want to be around her and eventually leave home. I think we do our kids a disservice when we sacrifice ourselves for them. I think its important to see that we have other hobbies and interests. There was a Cosby show once where Clair (the mother) told Theo, "My name isn't Theo's mom." Of course, as a mom, it seems like that much of the time. And with all that's involved in keeping a family going, it's easy to get lost. But I think its important for kids to see other sides of their parents such as their hobbies and interests.
Try this, ask your kids if they know your favorite food or hobby. My kids (7 and 10) will tell you I like chocolate and Starbucks coffee, I like to read JD Robb, and work. They know I'm on a low carb diet and sometime tease me with goodies. I feel it helps kids see parents as people not just parents when they can recognize our personal differences.
I also agree with the working mother who said its not just being home all the time but the quality of time with kids. I think it probably harder for working parents who are gone all day dealing with work stuff and are tired when they get home. But kids aren't dumb. And they appreciate time with their parents even if its a little bit. I don't think any parent should spend 24/7 with their kids. If the parent didn't go nuts, certainly the kids would.
Finally, for me, staying and working at home is not just about being there for the kids. Its also what I prefer. I don't like the hassle that goes with working outside the home. I prefer to set my schedule and work under my own rules. The truth is, with my kids in school now, I could go to work and still be available to them when they got home. But I'd rather work at home. No boss. No asking for time off when the kids are sick or we want to take a trip. No working under someone else's rules. I love that.
I believe the issue of working or staying home is a personal one. I do feel kids need nurturing and structure and quality time with parents. But I don't think one is better than the other. And I think that a happy mom goes a long way to keeping a family happy. So if mom needs the challenge and contribution of work to feel more complete, I'm all for it. If she finds fulfillment staying with the kids and keeping house, that's great too. And I think all moms should support each other and individual choices on the issue.
Leslie
posted by Leslie Truex at 7:03 AM
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